A Mother’s Lament- DON’T TOUCH MY STUFF

I am not OCD, I just like my stuff, right where it belongs. 

If I put it down, I want it to be there when I go back later to pick it up.

DON’T TOUCH MY STUFF! 

Is nothing sacred? HEAVEN FORBID my brush be in the bathroom…

Don’t get me started with hair ties and bobby pins- They are SURELY enjoying their vacation together on some island paradise!

And of course, I am grateful if the kids or the hubby washes the dishes- but WHY ON GOD’S GREEN EARTH, is it soooooooo hard to put the glasses where the glasses go, or the mugs with the mugs? Every week I tell myself, I am going to sticky note every thing!! 

I am not OCD, I just like my stuff to go, WHERE IT ALWAYS GOES!! WHY IS IT SO HARD?? 

You can’t find your shoes? OH WAIT, the shoes I told you at least 347 times since we got home- to put away? HA! If you just LISTENED to mom- you would have 2 shoes that looked the same, I swear it!!

OH and noooo, don’t worry about picking up your clothes off the floor. YOU ARE RIGHT, they eventually get up and walk themselves into the laundry!!! Remember when you were looking for you P.E. Clothes? Yeah, I have NO IDEA where they are either! 

This is my circus, and you are my monkeys, but seriously: EVEN SUPER WOMAN COULDN’T DEAL. 

Back to the the laundry- my favorite! Don’t you all LOVE to REWASH the SAME LOAD over and over and over again, at least 3 times before you dry it? YAASSSS! All hands raised over here! Since no one can listen or even hear over all the Youtube videos blaring.

Are those my sharpies? With the CAPS OFF?? OMG!! Were the 12 packs of Crayola crayons and markers, not good enough for you?!? Can I have 1 working marker in my house? Is that too much to ask? 

You remember all the awesome and beautiful things you used to own before kids? Yeah, me either! It’s been FAR TOO LONG. 

Please, continue to put your dirty plates with left over food on the counter 12 inches away from the garbage and a foot and a half from the sink. I hope you enjoy ketchup glue and stench as much as I do! 

But I remember- YOU LOVE BUGS IN YOUR ROOM!! RIGHT!? Or at least, I assume that’s what you are trying to do with the food you keep bringing in there, with the crumbs everywhere and who knows what is growing in the bottom of that Tupperware! FOR THE LOVE OF SCIENCE! (I SUPPOSE!!!)

Is it wrong, that I fantasize about running away to my own tiny house? Because at least then, my stuff will be where I left it. Don’t visit me kids, I will visit you.

I am not OCD. JUST DON’T TOUCH MY STUFF.

ps. My Mom always taught me, “If you want something done right, do it yourself.” WISE WOMAN