I’m Not Like a Regular Mom. I’m a “Cool Mom.”

“I’m not like a regular mom. I’m a cool mom.” If you’ve seen the movie Mean Girls (which let’s be real, who doesn’t watch it every time it comes on TV?), then you know that quote. And up until recently, I’d like to think I was a “cool mom” too.

Now, I wouldn’t say I took it as far as Amy Poehler did in the movie, performing provocative dance moves while filming my daughter in the high school talent show, but I was pretty easygoing when it came to letting my toddler do things her way.

Want to eat a super crumbly muffin in the car? Go ahead!

Want to wear your sparkly red and green Christmas dress in April? Sure!

Want to yell out quotes from The Lego Movie in the middle of Target? “Hey honey, where are my pants?!” That’s super embarrassing, but okay.

I didn’t see a problem with giving my three-year-old a little leeway. I wasn’t being a pushover, I was being a “cool mom,” letting my daughter express herself. UNTIL I started recognizing other “cool moms” with older kids. “Cool moms” who were now what many people would refer to as “bad moms.” Moms who give in to their kids on anything they want, just to keep their kids from throwing a tantrum. Moms who later on become the kids of out-of-control teenagers who are out partying all night – the kids you want to keep YOUR kids from hanging out with.

In my book, there’s rarely such thing as a “bad mom.” I think most moms are just trying their hardest to provide the absolute best for their children, and nobody’s perfect. But as I found myself letting my daughter ride the escalator in an awesome multi-story Target one day – just so she wouldn’t throw a fit – I asked myself, “Am I a bad mom?”

Why is my daughter so well-behaved with other people, and not with me?

I finally had to come to terms with the fact that you can’t be a cool mom when you have a toddler. Toddlers are all about pushing boundaries – and the more you give, the more they push. Once you let them eat crackers in the car one day, they’re going to want to eat powdered sugar donuts in the car the next day, and then ice cream the next. Once you give in to their demands instead of properly disciplining them, you’ve started to create a monster.

I’ve realized that my daughter needs a mom who provides the structure she needs to turn into a good person, not a friend. One day, maybe in like 20 years, I think I can be a “cool mom.” But until then, I guess I’ll just have to be the “not-so-cool mom with a cool, well-behaved kid.”