Thanksgiving Feast: How I Found True Joy in Family Gatherings!

We’ve seen the Thanksgiving “feel good” ads where families gather, full of joy and all smiles. They play football, laugh at the dinner table, play games. And I’m sure many us can relate. But I also know there are some of us who, dare I say, kind of dread holiday gatherings…

Not because we dislike our families, but because we know there is a high likelihood of conflict with some of them. We know all too well that discomfort zone of comments and conversations that will likely make our blood pressure go up.

I’ve heard it from friends, and I can relate on some level. There was a time that I used to have to argue with at least one of my sisters, full blown into screams, at any gathering that lasted more than a couple hours. And for many years, I would swear that it was all due to their attitudes – not me.

They didn’t accept me enough. They were too argumentative. They didn’t understand me.

And so, I would dread the holidays. 

However, after having my own kids, in a conscious effort to foster closeness with family, I took responsibility for my unease during the holidays. 

In earlier years, I had tried and failed at pretending or trying to be the “bigger person.” So this time, I prayed with a renewed intensity. I asked Jesus for that help, that humility – to see His face and love for those people I found hard to love. It is indeed a hard thing to love people you think don’t love you (at least that’s how I felt at the time).

Now, if there’s one thing we know when it comes to many full-blown arguments; it is rarely about gaining understanding. Nor is it a genuine search for the truth. For the most part, especially among those who argue often, it is about our pride and the need to simply “be right” at all costs. 

This was exactly the case when it came to my arguments with my sisters. It was either out of pride, or my own selfish desires to make them love me the way I wanted them to. But the reality is, everyone loves differently. And through the lens of humility, I had no right to demand otherwise.

I had to accept love the way they offered it – at face value – as a GIFT – and love them for who they are.

Because that’s what family is about. And that’s what I hope to teach my kids.

For so long, I thought my sisters were out to hurt me. And then one day, as we were about to get into another fight, I decided to listen. That was when one of my sisters said she always felt so judged by me, that she just couldn’t listen to anything I said, because she knew it was “stained” with my “disdain” for her… (This is the G-rated version lol)

It came like a smack to the face: my sisters were struggling with my attitude! 

That was the kind of motivation I needed to change. I can’t promise I never argue with my sisters, but one thing is for sure: when I started to truly have compassion for them as I saw them in the very mirror of my own experiences, saw their struggles as mine, and realized it is more important to love and get along, than to “be right,” my attitude did change. And it didn’t mean pretending or forcing it. 

So this Thanksgiving, cheers to all so we may find true joy in the people we did not get to choose in this life. That we may find joy in their judgments, quirks, weirdness, and passive aggressive comments. Breathe in, and exhale it to God, or the Universe, and let love be your guide.

This is the very essence of Thanksgiving, an occasion to celebrate ALL the people in our lives, including those who challenge us to love deeper.

And with this, may we not simply “survive” or get past this holiday season. May we enJOY it!

Blessings for a Happy Thanksgiving fellow Mamas! 

Can anyone relate? Of course, some family members may be harder to be around than others, so how do you handle those conflicts? Or perhaps you tend to be the peacekeeper of the family? Please share!