How can I raise a happy child?
This seems to be the underlying anxiety and desire of nearly every parent: to raise happy children. In the current race of childhood, we forget that who we’re really raising are happy adults.
In my last 9 years of being a parent and working as a transformational coach I realized that a happy childhood does not guarantee a happy adulthood. Well, that was an interesting conclusion!
Why is this important to you?
The notion of making it a priority to ensure our children are always happy is not just unrealistic, but also detrimental to our children’s future. I’m not saying that we should make our kids miserable on daily basis. What I’m introducing here is an ancient psychological, spiritual, and scientific way of understanding how we, as adults truly shape our little future adults. Oh, and the side effects are great. We become happier as adults in this process.
THE Formula
I got curious about the idea that a “happy child can still become an unhappy adult.” I wondered—what if there was a formula for raising happy, successful children who become happy successful adults? So I researched books and listened to numerous brilliant thought leaders in the fields of happiness, mindfulness, psychology, and others. Then, my coaching mentor presented this concept as a formula for success for adults.
The truth is that this formula has existed for thousands of generations. We simply either refuse to accept it or we’ve been programmed to believe the reverse of this process.
As I studied this formula more, I realized that this formula applies to our children through us. It starts with us willing to be vulnerable and uncomfortable in the interest of growth. How many of us are really willing to look at ourselves without judgement? To simply to seek understanding who we are being in various moments of the day?
What I realized as a parent, and later learned as a coach, is that we are the initial thoughts of our children! It is our primary job to ensure that the thoughts that our children generate don’t form a painful closed loop of agony that comes out in adulthood. How do we do that? By recognizing and re-patterning these loops within ourselves first. The good news is that even enlightened gurus have to spend time re-patterning loops.
Our children are our mirrors, whether we want to accept it or not
I realized it the hard way when my 2.5 year old daughter was reflecting all of my frustrations and confusions of a highly polarized divorce. It was 2 years later when I fully recognized this pattern in her behavior and it broke my heart to watch her reflecting ‘me’ back to me. It was also an empowering moment because I realized that I’m in complete control (albeit not the type of control I expected).
When we employ the formula, we begin to pay attention to our thoughts, actions, and results. I also learned to pay attention to the pattern of my daughter’s reactions and teach her this formula daily.
Why is this important to your children?
This formula produces amazing results in everyone who employs it. So why not teach it to our children from the start? Our awareness and use of this formula gives our children the capacity to create empowering thoughts. This is the best foundation for a happy and healthy adulthood we can give them.
