October is Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Month. Specifically, October 15th is the day dedicated to families who have suffered the greatest of tragedies—losing a baby too soon, whether through miscarriage or infant death.
As a friend, sister, and daughter to women who have gone through this tragedy, my heart aches for them and their families. Watching someone you love in so much pain is heartwrenching. Although I am not feeling particularly equipped to write this post, I did want to use my voice and this platform to remember those beautiful babies through our Forever Loved Wall.It gives the opportunity to mamas to share their story (if they feel compelled) with hopes that it encourages and gives peace to another mom out there struggling alone in silence.
What You Need to Know About Pregnancy and Infant Loss
According to the American Pregnancy Association, out of the roughly six million pregnancies that occur each year in the United States, about two million end in a loss. According to the CDC, around 22,000 infants die each year before their first birthday from accidents, murders, illnesses and Sudden Infant Death Syndrome in the United States.
A dear friend of mine recently lost her daughter during pregnancy. I was a mess, unsure of what to do, and am pretty sure I failed in supporting her and her family during this time. I did what I thought was best. And through conversations with other moms who have gone through this, I think it is important to share how to support someone going through this loss. There is no right answer, and you should take into consideration the mom first and your relationship with them, but here are a few ways to show your love and support during this difficult time.
How to Support a Friend or Family Member Going Through Pregnancy or Infant Loss
- Acknowledge. Saying something is better than nothing. Things you could say: I just want you to know I’ve been thinking about you so much over the last few weeks. You’ve been on my heart. I just want to acknowledge that it’s probably really difficult for you to be here today.
- Use the baby’s name when acknowledging their loss. Recommendations from Lindsay with Pinch of Yum Blog.
- Drop off a coffee or a handwritten card. Offer to help in some way whether it is a home-cooked meal, running an errand for them or offering to babysit if their are siblings involved.
- Don’t stop checking in. The grieving process is just that, it is a process. Let them know you have not forgotten and are there for them.
- Share ways for them to remember their baby publicly or privately, when they are ready. Make sure to ask and offer a open ear for them to share with you when they are ready.
- When the time is right and they are ready, schedule some quality time doing something they love – a massage, a walk, a coffee date, a movie night. Let them know when they are ready you would love to have this time with them.
- Give a personalized gift. A customized charm for a bracelet or necklace with the date of remembrance and the baby’s name or a footprint or hand-print frame with the date and child’s name.
If you have gone through this and would like us to include more ways that you felt supported during this difficult time, please comment or email Niki@sandiegomomsblog.com.
Remember: Add Your Child’s Name to Our Forever Loved Wall
Those little lives, however brief, made an impact. We’d like to help you visually mark those lives that were lost too soon all year long. The Forever Loved Wall was created in 2016 to honor the lives lost.
Share the Forever Loved Wall with someone you know who has lost a child during pregnancy or through infant death.
CLICK HERE and scroll to the bottom of the page to add your baby’s name, date of remembrance and a quote or saying you would like included. We would be honored to add their name.
