I have been reading a lot of articles about how to support a single mom during the holidays and how hard it is. Don’t get me wrong, it is hard AF! I would like to take a moment to redirect the conversation in a more positive light and take a look at the “Upside to being a single parent during this holiday season.”
A little background . . .
I have been a single mom coming up on two years now and I vividly remember the first conference I went to. It was a “BOSS Mom” conference hosted right here in SD. As I walked into the networking portion of the event, everyone was talking about what they did, their families and inevitably their spouses. I had been standing there a little while before it was my turn to say my “part”, but one of the things they were venting about was how how hard it was to get their husbands/partners to “let” them come to SD, whether it was finances or watching the kids — it became a point of contention for them attending this incredible conference.
When it came my turn, I said who I was and that I was a mother to a beautiful then two-year-old daughter. Then one of the women asked me and what does your husband do? I answered with a simple “We are not together,” and her voice was so solemn as she replied “Oh my goodness I am SO sorry”.
I am not sure what came over me, but I replied with “I’m not sorry, I didn’t have to ask permission to be here today!” and I literally mic dropped and walked away (JK, I didn’t do that).
But in that moment, a lot happened for me. I NEVER wanted anyone to feel sorry for me ever again and I sure as heck wasn’t going to feel sorry for myself. Do I wish things were different? YES. Do I wish for my daughter’s sake we were a “normal” family and she didn’t have to go through this? YES. But I know the decision I made was the right one. A hard one, but the right one, and I was going to have to face this new reality as a single mom.
Again, don’t get me wrong — there are absolutely awful things about being a single mom and everyone’s situation is SO different. I have cried more days over the past two years than I haven’t and it has been a long road. But one of the things that has helped me along this journey has been to look at the bright side and laugh a little more when trying to find the silver lining in this new-found reality.
To all my single mamas out there – I see you and I hope that some of these thoughts will help you smile a little more, hopefully laugh, and even enjoy this holiday season as a single mom, because you damn well should!!!
- My mama always ingrained in me that holidays (birthdays, major holidays) – well they can be celebrated ANY DAMN DAY! So if you have to celebrate Christmas on Christmas Eve (as I do this year), make that day incredible. If you have to celebrate Thanksgiving the day before or the day after – why do we really care? If we take the pressure off the actual date, then we can still enjoy it – it just may be on another date.
- It is also a great idea to create fun and unique traditions that don’t fall on specific holidays to help support your kids not feeling down on holidays.
- Your kids get TWO of each holiday! They get to celebrate TWICE! This is for those co-parenting or sharing the time over the holidays, I think seeing the positive for your kids (as long as they want to be there) is great.
- I personally split major holidays and we do a joint birthday (so far) – it’s so important for your kids to feel your excitement for them to go to their other parent’s home (even when you may not be feeling it).
- Plan to enjoy the holiday alone. Yes, PLAN SOMETHING – really anything. I love football, so I will probably go watch football with some friends. I guarantee you there is a friend or business acquaintance without family in the city. Find someone else who may be alone and share or make a meal together.
- GIVE BACK!!! Use this holiday to volunteer at a local shelter and serve meals to the homeless. Turning your negative thoughts or feelings and putting it towards something that gives back in my opinion can never yield a negative result.
- Don’t let people feel sorry for you and don’t be so hard on yourself. Relationships are so hard. I don’t want to be single the rest of my life, so I may look back at this post and say what was I thinking, but for now I am 10000% enjoying motherhood, being an entrepreneur and just being single. I haven’t even thought about dating, because the next time I do take that leap I want to be so whole and complete in myself that if it doesn’t work, it is definitely not my fault! (lol)
- Note to self: Build in more “me” time. My world revolves around my daughter and work, which is not sustainable – I get that, but it has gotten me to a place of peace.
Seriously, try to remember that you have a unique opportunity to focus solely on your kids, your work, and yourself. Whether becoming a single mother was your choice or not, until you decide that it was the RIGHT choice, the holidays and really any day for that matter will be harder.
To all my single mamas what are some things that you do to not allow the holidays to get you down??
