An Open Letter: To a Step-Father From His Wife

Hi Honey,

You are such an amazing father and there’s so many things I want to say to you.

But first, I have to say that I hope you know that I have never considered you a step-anything! In fact, I’m not much of a fan of the term “step-father” for you. It makes it sound like you’re separate, like you’re on the sidelines somehow, and that couldn’t be further from the truth! You most definitely have been on the front lines with me doing this parenting thing since the day you met my girl- our girl. I can’t express in enough ways just how grateful I am for you.

The day I told you I had a child, surprisingly, it didn’t seem to phase you one bit. I thought it was just a matter of time- not because of anything you did but my own insecurities. I’d been let down in the past too many times to count so I’m sure you noticed my 12 foot walls for me and the 24 foot ones for her.

I kept you away for awhile and when you finally did meet her, I remember… you were so gentle. She was so unsure at first and you were okay with that. Just as with most people though it wasn’t long before she adored you. Honestly, it felt too good to be true. The greatest fear I had was that you two wouldn’t get along and right before my eyes you two were hitting it off like I’d never imagined. My heart could never be fuller than when I see the love there is between the two of you.

Of course, it hasn’t been all sunshine and roses. I’m sure there have been times that you’ve been made to feel less than, sometimes even by me. I wasn’t all that sure how to handle it sometimes. For that, I’m deeply sorry. Figuring out how to blend together as a family has had it’s ups and downs, but you’ve never faltered and every bit of it has been worth it with you by our side.

Even in the times you were rejected, you never gave up or turned your back because you saw that it’s source was from something else entirely. You had compassion for her and the battle she was fighting to understand what was real. A love like yours was so foreign to her, and even to me. Never did you act as if she was just a “part-of-the-package”  or part of my “baggage”. From the beginning, you considered her a bonus. I sometimes think you knew how much she needed you as a father, even when she fought you, probably more so in those times.

Please know that I know you have always done your best, given your best, despite the odds. In fact the odds only made you fight harder. You couldn’t have known all the things you’d face when you became a part of our lives and the walls that you’d have to break down, and yet when they came you took on every one and used it to strengthen us and to build her up. No greater love have I seen than the one you’ve shown in loving another child as your own. We are living proof that it’s not always blood that binds you to another but love does.

You were especially chosen for us and I thank God everyday for bringing you to us. We do and will always love you so much. Thank you for all that you’ve been, all that you are, and all you are sure to be.

With Love,

Your Grateful Wife

This post was originally published on June 30, 2017