True Life Anonymom Series: Dear Alcohol, I Hate You

Dear Alcohol,

I’ve thought about this letter long and hard, not knowing where to begin, but knowing I must write. I write because it’s how I process and this letter to you is a gift of truth to myself. You see, I have a hard time being vulnerable. Honest. Sharing my truth. I’ve learned that’s the co-dependent in me. Before you existed in my life, I didn’t know the truth about co-dependency. And so I write this letter to thank you. For making me better. But first, I have to get raw and real with you.

Dear Alcohol, I hate you.

I hate everything about you.

I hate the way you smell. The way you behave.

I hate the way you lie, cheat, steal and destroy.

I hate that you stole my dream of a perfect family.

I hate that you steal souls and make them into something they are not.

You, alcohol, are a madman, a monster.

You wear a million faces and none of them good.

I had a dream to marry Prince Charming. But you, alcohol, you gave me Mr. Alcoholic.

You stole my husband. You stole my children’s father.

And you did it cunningly and without regret.

You snuck into my life with a whisper and in the blink of an eye,

I found myself sitting with you in AA meetings, surrounded by your recovering hosts.

They proclaimed to me:

You, my dear, are highly co-dependent.

I blamed you alcohol, for making me this way.

After all, how was I suppose to survive?

And how was I suppose to protect my family?

My mandate was to protect those on the road with you!

AND HOW was I to keep you from killing my husband? 

All those lonely nights, I cried myself to sleep-

Oh alcohol how I hate you. How I begged God to take you…

But now, you know what?! Today, I thank you. Though I wish you never came into my life, nor the life of my family-

Guess what? You’ve made me stronger!

Oh alcohol, you don’t get to steal my family any longer.

We are overcomers. We will be better. And we will win.

I’ve learned boundaries. I’ve learned to let go.

And most important: I’ve learned the art of complete surrender.

Yours Truly,

Your Counterpart Codependency Recovering Co-Dependent

Wife of a Recovering Alcoholic

Local Resource for Families of Alcoholics:

Al-Anon Family Group Website

AA San Diego County