I am going to admit, I am totally a jealous ex-wife!… BUT, probably not in the way that you’re thinking.
I’m sure you have all seen this wonderful Co-Parenting Meme before. Well, I’m not gonna lie, it pains my heart every time it pops up. I can’t even begin to tell you how much I dream and pray of this! I am beyond jealous of all those exes out there that are able to co-parent!
Therapist advice ignored. Roadblocks, left and right. But, all I want is my kid to see we are still a family, just a “NEW” definition of it.
No one ever dreams of divorce, but once we had the thought or feeling it may come to happen, I had dreamed of the separation being more like that perfect image.
Literally, I imagined us being there for our kid at all sports, school, life events sitting happily together and cheering her on. Holidays not being divided, but being a family that had doubled in size. Or, at very least, being able to communicate when our child is hurt or hit some achievement. We had always talked (throughout our nearly 20 years together) that “no matter, I know you’ll be my friend.” We were never disillusioned and thought that our relationship was perfect, but sadly, we couldn’t even maintain the friend aspect or even the basic Mom & Dad.
Our kid, however, is blessed. I don’t know how it happened, but I am with an amazing significant other, who has been to parent-teacher conferences and performances, yes we share in pride for her. But, no matter how great he is, it isn’t the same as her biological father being there, even if not for me, but just her seeing him just as proud of this amazing little human being. Or maybe, on her worst day, all 4 of us (his spouse included) being on the same page on how to help her. I mean, what kid wouldn’t feel such a sense of security if they knew they had this foundation!?
We have this friend: she has maybe the perfect picture of a blended family. They live close to each other for kid swapping, houses are open for where ever their kiddo needs to be or to pick up items. Once upon a time when the kid was younger even family dinner nights to show unity. Thanksgivings together!
How I hoped we could get there, even with some really ugly moments in our past. I guess we just always hope for the best, I mean we did spend a lot on therapy, why can’t we?! I was at a birthday party recently, this couple had also had their moments and it was just something else! My S.O. and I watched as they laid out the gifts and went one by one, going “pick one” “ok, my turn, this one.” Seeing how civil it was. How awesome it could be having stuff go to each house to feel like a home for their child and knowing what each other’s house was lacking. Watching them promise to share if this item or that did/didn’t work out. We were both Super Jealous! But, it also brought us hope.
They say it takes a village, and I believe it. The things this kid has/is going through would blow anyone away, so how amazing would it be to have that much more support rallying around this little person! Any little person deserves this!
For those of you achieving this, just remember on the hardest day to coexist with that ex, you 2 or 4 are doing AMAZING! And setting a great example for your child. They will have no shortage of feeling safe and loved, which is the biggest gift we can give our children.
Mama, just know I’m there with you! I am jealous like all kinds of heck, but sadly, not all of us get that Facebook Version of a Fairytale Ending. We aren’t alone in wishing our kid to have equal love, treatment, and support. We all just wish what is best, and just sometimes we have to accept what is best isn’t this pretty picture. Some of us are better off doing this solo.
