Yes, I think I’m upon them now. The tween-age years. So these days, this is my undying mantra:
It really did sneak up on me. I didn’t see how my sweet son would ever challenge me. But I also thought the tween years would mean he would stop being my sweet son. And that isn’t the case either. He is still my sweet son. But he has embarked on the sometimes treacherous journey of self-discovery.
And I have to accept that. I wouldn’t want him to think the way I do, just because I said so, or be who he thinks I want him to be. I want him to be the person God made. And maybe that means questioning the world for a while, including his parents.
That doesn’t mean it hasn’t been, well, a bit painful on my part. I also think he feels the pain.
There are still days when he just comes and lays his head on my shoulder, and lets me hug him, kiss and smell his hair…
And this has made me reflect on the sadness my parents probably experienced the day I asked them to keep their distance from me as I went to my favorite store at the mall because it was embarrassing to have them with me. The same child that begged to hold their hand everywhere was now embarrassed of them.
I also think about how that blind faith and love a child gives their parents really is unmerited. I say this in the kindest way possible, but it’s true. What did I do, to deserve such adoration? Simply birthed them? I mean, yes, I try the best I can to love and support them. I attempt to teach them kindness and respect for others. About God’s love. But still, there are kids that love parents who do much less and don’t even try very hard. The numerous times I messed up, and my baby would forgive me with a smile, just for coming back to hold them.
I am not perfect. And a part of me hurts when my son challenges me because, I now know he sees that too. A part of me aches that I have disillusioned him; that I am not as wonderful as he once thought…
And yet, I have loved him even as I witness his faults, which, by the way, are a lot like mine…
So too, by the end of this and other stages to come, he will learn to love a person who is deeply flawed, but is trying their best to be a good parent: me. To know that perfect love lies only with Jesus. And hopefully, to never let go of His hand.
I remind myself that I am here just as a guide to help him blossom into the unique and lovely boy, young man, and man I know him to be.
Do you have a tweenage kid or remember these years with your kids? Any advice for a mama entering this stage? I would greatly appreciate it!
